The Ritual of Love and Forgiveness
by Sioux99
Summary: Luke's act of contrition goes on for years.


**The Ritual of Love and Forgiveness**

**By Sioux**

Carefully Luke pulled the heavy wooden coffee table away from the settee. He then pushed the armchairs back against the walls and rolled up the rug in front of the fire. Centralising the table a little more he then retrieved four large, fat candles. Only one of them was scented with jasmine, the others three were plain wax. After several years of experience he knew myriad scents tended to distract him.

Next he gathered the bottle of good red wine, which he'd left to breathe in the kitchen a couple of hours earlier plus two glasses. Not that Eddie, his partner of the last fourteen years, would approve. Luke had been suffering from heartburn, on and off, for the past couple of weeks so Eddie had placed him on a bland diet and limited his fluid intake to plain water, which had seemed to work. Either the diet or Luke snaffling antacids like they were the fifth good group had served to keep the vicious pain at bay!

Placing the glasses on either side of the table, he filled them and left the bottle on the edge of the table. Putting a box of matches on the table within easy reach he surveyed his handiwork. Anything missing? Yes, the oil burner. He took it from the top of the cupboard along with the small bottle of hideously expensive jasmine oil and diverted to the kitchen. Filling the bowl of the burner with water and adding twenty drops of jasmine oil he carefully carried it back into the lounge and placed it at the other end of the table from the wine bottle. Everything seemed to be there now. He lit the candles and lit the small candle under the oil burner and switched off the electric lamp. He had to wait a few seconds before his eyes adjusted to the dimmed conditions before carefully making his way to the other side of the coffee table. He lowered himself to the floor, his back against the settee. Sitting cross-legged these days sent his legs into cramp so he settled for stretching them out under the low table. Closing his eyes he took a deep breath in through his nose and let it out slowly through his mouth, repeating the procedure a few times to ease him into a meditative state. Or that was the idea. In reality he'd begun to wriggle a little. Surely the floor hadn't felt this lumpy and uncomfortable last year? Making an heroic effort he tried to banish the discomfort from his mind and concentrated on his breathing. He was determined he wasn't going to give in and grab a cushion to sit on. The ritual of love and forgiveness wasn't meant to be simple and easy!

A faint draught went past him making him shiver slightly. Really must get someone in to check the double glazing Luke thought, then sternly admonished himself. He was supposed to be concentrating, not checking out possible problems with the draught proofing. The chill little breeze blew up his spine raising goosebumps on his arms. Had the under floor heating packed in, he wondered. No, no no! You're supposed to concentrating on him, not the heating. Sighing he wriggled again as more bumps made themselves felt.

"Luke, for god's sake, will you just sit on a cushion? Or even better sit on the couch?" The remembered voice, husky with a faint Welsh accent exploded next to his ear.

In shock Luke opened his eyes. The candles burned steadily, no breeze flickered the flames. Even the flame under the oil burner was steady. There was something different though. Something on the table he couldn't out his finger on, so to speak.

Candles, four; oil burner, one; wine bottle, one; glasses, filled, one. One?

"Luke, will you get off the floor sweetheart? Please? Just for me?"

Luke turned his head to his left. A dark bulk filled the corner of the settee. As his eyes adjusted he could make out a figure. The figure lifted the missing glass and took a sip, then seemed to notice something amiss. Slowly it lowered its glass.

"Luke? Luke, can you see me?"

Dumbly Luke nodded.

"Oh sweetheart!" The figure on the settee moved like lightening, putting his glass down then enfolding him in a big, warm, bear hug.

In a dream Luke brought his arms up to enfold the body hugging him.

"Craig, oh Craig I've missed you!" he gasped.

"I've been coming to these little one on one parties for the last seventeen years. You've just never seen me before. Here, lift up."

Craig pushed the cushion under his one time lover then lowered him back down.

"Seventeen years? You've been here every year?"

"Of course I have. This is my one night when I can raise a glass with you. You don't think I'd miss out on that, do you?"

"I..I don't know what to think."

"Trust me, I wouldn't miss this. Although next year, can we have a nice Sauvingnon Blanc or a none oaked Chardonnay?"

"You don't like red?"

"Not really. I enjoyed the Port though. Was that year three?"

Luke nodded.

"I thought you liked red wine."

"On occasion, but I prefer a nice dry white. And I would prefer a change next time."

"What do you want me to do? Anything!"

"Please don't do this ritual again." Craig's eyes looked liquid in the dim light.

"Why?" Luke asked quietly. "It's the way I remind myself what a shit I was to you and how I never got chance to apologise to you, in person."

"That's my point. I don't want you putting yourself and Eddie through several hours of hell each year. Every time I feel you hurting and unhappy Luke, I hurt as well, love."

"Oh Craig, I'm sorry. I didn't know."

Craig smiled gently.

"Why would you know?"

"Eddie? You know about Eddie?"

Craig gently brushed his fingertips down Luke's face.

"Why wouldn't I know about the bloke who adores you?" he asked gently. "In fact, Eddie and I see eye to eye on a lot of subjects. Most of them are to do with you, of course…."

"You've spoken with him?" Luke interrupted.

"No. I won't get that pleasure for a good many years to come, I'm happy to say. I've heard him muttering to himself over the years, generally when he has to get out of his home so you can do this."

Luke wasn't actually paying much attention to Craig's words, he was too busy feasting his eyes.

Craig looked wonderful! Younger and lot more carefree than Luke remembered. His luscious dark eyes were just as magnetic though and his hair just as unruly. Experimentally Luke brushed his fringe off his forehead. Craig grinned.

"Some things never change."

"Why now? Why after all this time can I see you now?" Luke winced as the he felt the heartburn start to bite again.

"I think I've got a good idea," Craig replied, dryly. "And you really should have followed Eddie's advice and gone to the doctor about that indigestion."

"You're OK? About Eddie I mean."

"I'm very pleased for you Luke. I don't want you sitting here being unhappy when you have a chance to be happy and to make someone else happy. I think he's the best think that ever happened to you. Hang on to him."

Luke felt his eyes filling as he smiled.

"I still love you."

Craig smiled. "I still love you too, but I really want you to do something for me in future."

"What? Anything?"

"Don't be so reckless with your promises. I want you to promise to stop doing this on your own every year. Next year pick a nice restaurant; take Eddie out for a meal."

"Thought you just said you liked to raise a glass."

"I do, set an extra glass for me. I'll enjoy it with you both."

Luke thought back over all the years of arguing with Eddie followed by the years of acceptance when Eddie made himself scarce for one night of the year, to let Luke meditate on his dead ex-lover, Craig Gilmore.

"He'll definitely think he's won," Luke murmured.

"No, he won't. You used to drive him mad with jealousy. He didn't really know where he stood with you. You need to let him know."

"Eddie? Eddie knows I love him. In a different way to you, but I love him."

"Have you ever told him?" Craig asked.

Luke opened his mouth, ready to utter a scornful, "Yes!" Then his brain intervened. Had he ever told Eddie he loved him? He must have done. In the fourteen years they'd been sharing a house and the two years prior to that, he must have told him.

"You haven't," Craig said gently.

"Oh lord!" Luke muttered then gasped as the heartburn bit deeper in to him.

"Luke, can I borrow your phone please?" Craig asked holding out his hand.

Luke, deep in thought at his selfishness and hurting from the pain in his chest, handed it over without thinking.

Craig shook open the speaker, careful to select sound only and said,

"Emergency medivac please. Male, Caucasian, approximately forty-five years of age, acute MI. Address is seventy seven Perivale Lane." He snapped the connection shut.

Luke reached for his phone. "What the hell are you doi……" he gasped, his vision greying out as the pain tore into him. He felt his left arm grow numb and weak as the vice like sensation tightened around his chest. Clammy sweat began rolling down his face and his body under his clothes.

Craig stoked his damp hair and laid him back against the settee, then bent his knees to make him more comfortable.

"Sorry love, I can't give you anything for the pain, but the medics will be here in three and a half minutes, they'll help then."

Craig flipped open the phone again and spoke,

"Eddie. Sound only."

The phone obligingly dialled Eddie's number.

"Hello love, you finished early?" Eddie's voice asked.

"Eddie, your partner has had a heart attack."

"What? Is this some kind of sick joke?"

Craig closed the connection and put the phone down by Luke's side, knowing Eddie was running down the street.

"Luke, Eddie's on his way."

Luke nodded weakly, his complexion looking pasty.

Less than a minute later the door burst open as Eddie ran into the room, switching on the main light as he did so.

"Oh my god!" he gasped when he saw his partner.

Seconds later a vehicle drew up outside, disgorging three medics with bags full of equipment. As the medics worked on Luke to stabilise him prior to transportation, Luke plucked as Eddie's sleeve.

"It's alright love, they'll have you in hospital in no time. Don't worry."

Luke pulled at his sleeve again, weakly drawing him near.

"What? What is it?" Eddie asked.

"I love you," Luke whispered with difficulty.

Eddie looked down at his partner, a cold sick feeling gathering in the pit of his stomach.

*****************

"You sure about this?" Eddie asked for tenth time as he settled into his seat at the table

"Yes, I'm sure. We are going to have a nice dinner and we're going to have a good time. OK?"

"Whatever you say love," Eddie replied, bemused. In all the years he'd known Luke he had never known him do anything other than his own morbid little ritual at Halloween. Then again, last Halloween was one day he would give everything he owned not to repeat.

Once they'd placed their orders with the waiter, along with an order for mineral water, Eddie got up to use the bathroom. Luke poured water into all three glasses and took a sip. The level in the glass on the other side of the table lowered itself then a little seemed to spray itself all over the table.

"Craig!" Luke hissed. "Stop being difficult."

The glass rocked and then tipped over. The liquid spreading into a V shape. Then the liquid on one side of the V began to form into rough letters, F U, before Luke hurriedly threw his napkin over the mess and called a waiter over.

"I'm sorry, could we have a bottle of Sauvingnon Blanc as well please? Thank you."

Eddie was a little surprised to see a bottle of wine on the table plus a full glass sitting next to Luke.

"Wine babe? Thought we'd agreed on water?"

"It's not for us. Someone was being difficult about mineral water," he finished, directing a glare to the empty space at his side.

"Ah! Evening Craig," Eddie said quietly.

As the meal progressed both Eddie and Luke made sure the glass was always topped up until just before they ordered coffee, the bottle was finished.

"Does he want any more?" Eddie asked quietly.

The bottle very deliberately turned itself upside down in the ice bucket, then Eddie felt a kiss on his cheek. Looking at Luke's expression, he judged he'd felt the same.

The empty chair at the side of Luke tipped over suddenly. Tables were rocked, napkins hit the floor then the doors at the end of the room opened and shut again.

Luke had his eyes closed in pained embarrassment.

Eddie started to laugh. Only Luke could manage to go out to dinner with his partner and the pissed ghost of his former lover. It certainly added a certain authenticity to Halloween night.


End file.
